Big Day

Tomorrow will be a day.  Yes, that's certainly true, and hardly worth mentioning.  But I mention it here, because previously I would have said, "Tomorrow will be a big day."  Tomorrow I will meet with my adored Dr. Juric and he will share with me the results of my scans from yesterday.

The thing is, I'm not expecting great results.  Hence, the "big" in "big day."  "Big day" implies that the course of my life will be determined on that day.  "Big day" is like a mini Yom Kippur back when I used to believe that I had to say the name of every single person whom I loved, or else they would not be inscribed in the Book of Life for another year.  "Big day" means that I will leave the hospital in either hope or despair.  But as I sit here, I realize that tomorrow doesn't have to have any more power over me than any other day.

Like most of my very blessed days, tomorrow I will most likely wake up in a house with a person whom I love.  I will have food to eat, clothes to wear, a car to drive, and sick-days to use so that I still get paid even when I'm not working.  I will go to the hospital and find out what my cancer cells are up to.  We will discuss plans for foiling them, as we have been doing all along.  Then I will go home - and possibly get into my bed to recharge, or possibly not.  And so on.

Tomorrow will, in fact, just be a day.  I will have more information than I have today.  I will likely have feelings about that information.  But the me-ness at the center, and the blessings, remain.