Thursday, April 9, 2015

Homework

Checking in on my homework to make everything a meditation, I'd say that so far this week I've been meditative about 2% of the time.  Which I'm pretty happy with, actually.  Twice I've ridden the stationary bike at the gym without any music.  Highly boring, but also interesting in its own way. Kind of like meditation in general.

Just to be clear - being meditative doesn't mean closing your eyes and zoning out.  Quite the opposite. It means bringing full awareness and attention to the present moment.

This doesn't always make for a pretty picture.  Sometimes when I'm driving, I become aware of my actions just as I'm doing something rather asshole-ish.  Like, "Ugh. I really don't want to be behind that car that's in the lane next to me for the rest of my drive.  If I speed up, I can get ahead of it before the road shifts from two lanes to one."  Wow.  Great for me.  Luckily, before I can berate myself too severely, the mind has already moved on the next distraction.

One thing that I've noticed in these little glimpses of clarity - although many of them last for only a number of seconds - is a type of compassion for whatever is present.  An attitude of allowing, or forgiving, whether I am noticing my own foibles, or some circumstance over which I have no control.

Nothing gets cured or solved, but there's a peace in the simple is-ness of it all.




1 comment:

  1. I just heard about your blog from Toba. My dad died from cancer earlier this year. And his book comes out in April. Lol.
    I loved this post, after the previous post. I took her advice to read them in order from the beginning. Thus making me laugh and enjoy you, and this post's beginning even more. I love your writing so far. Thanks for putting it out there. We would have never met or talked like this in our lives. I certainly don't know Toba the way I feel I now know parts of you...writing is powerful. Memoir writing really does feel like videos or photographs--like pieces of our soul that others can see and feel and touch. I've been feeling more and more grateful lately for every photograph and video of my dad. And reading his book...it's like being in the closest thing I have to a time machine. And spending a moment with him again that I can never get back. This blog is a gift to your kids and your partner, if nothing else. And today, it's an enjoyable morning read that I can relate to and we've never even met.
    So thank you...nehama

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