Thursday, April 30, 2015

fb

It's weird that facebook is a category in my life.

Friends
Family
Colleagues
Congregation

...and fb friends.  People with whom I would have no connection if it weren't for that tantalizing tab on my computer.

Of course, many (if not most) of my actual friends and family members, along with many of my school and congregation connections are also my fb friends.  But a very clear line has emerged that separates the actual from the virtual -- my exclusively cyber friends do not know that I have cancer.  Most don't know that I ever had cancer, let alone the fact that it has returned.  And I'm not sure what any of this means.

A different way to think about the question of why I don't tell my fb circle, is to ask myself why I tell the people whom I do tell.

Work - That's the easiest.  I miss a lot of school days.  People would think that I'm really lazy if I missed this much school without any outward signs of an illness or major life issue.

Congregation - That's pretty easy, too, since this is my spouse's work place, so see "Work" above.

Family and Friends -

1. We're journeying through life together, and that means sharing the experience as fully as we can. "What's new?" doesn't mean, "What new restaurant have you been to?" or "What project are you working on?"  Well, it could, but ultimately what is most interesting in those stories are the facial expressions, the tone of voice, the tangents, the parenthetical comments that come with the telling. The telling is what connects me to the people I love far beyond the supplying of information.

Similarly, the cancer itself - I imagine - is not as important to them as the impact that it has on my world view, my emotions, my spirit.

2. I need them.  They give me love and wisdom and companionship.  They take me out of myself and help me go more deeply into myself.  Their love is my truest sustenance.






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