Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I know what you're thinking - She hasn't called.  She hasn't written.  And that pitiful little post about someone in Ukraine...  What the hell's happened to her?!

Well, I'm writing to say that I haven't forgotten you.  The truth is that I haven't been feeling great, and I find that fact enormously unappealing - certainly not something that I want to write about.  I know you're thinking, Fuck that!  What about me?  What about my needs?  So, OK.

It's interesting walking around not feeling great because of something that is saving your life.  Should I be sad?  Poor me!  My stomach hurts!  Should I be happy?  Lucky me!  I live in a time when there are drugs that can save my life with minimal - truly minimal - side effects.  I go to work.  I look the same.  I do everything that I want to do.

But my stomach hurts!  Well, not all the time.  But sometimes.  And when it hurts it reminds me that I have fucking cancer and I have to take these fucking pills.  And what if they keep working and I live to be 100 and I'll have a stomach ache a couple of times a day for the next 48 years?!?!?

Maybe I'll cheat and stop taking them when I'm 90.