Second Day of Rosh Hashana

There's a question that's hanging over me, after about two weeks of not feeling great:

Am I infirm or just lazy?

Take this morning for instance.  It's the second day of Rosh Hashana. A day of no school.  A chance to soak up the vibes of the New Year with my community, but not so dressed up, not crowded, and a shared feeling of luxury among those of us lucky enough to be able to take the day off of work.

Then over breakfast my spouse asks, "Are you coming to services today, or just relaxing at home?" Ooooo! Something I hadn't considered...cancer patient stays home to rest instead of going to services. But that's silly, I thought to myself. I really love the second day of Rosh Hashana service.  Of course I'm going.  Late.

So off goes my rabbi spouse and my mother-in-law, and I am left to ponder when I should show up. But then the question arises, Am I OK? Should I be home relaxing cancer-style to shore up my energies?  Or does all of this lying around breed more and more inertia?

Am I infirm or just lazy?

Clearly I need to think about this some more. Step one: Take a short nap on the couch.  Definitely the right move, because I emerged from my nap with a plan: I would test my state of being by riding my bike to services.  It's not that far - about two-and-a-half miles.  It is, however, almost totally - albeit steadily - uphill.

And I made it! I enjoyed the (last third of) services, I shmoozed, I meditated, I graciously accepted compliments for saving the planet by riding my bike.  Then I ate two pieces of my favorite Rosh Hashanah cake and joyously coasted downhill for most of the way home.

Still, the question remains unanswered.  The truth is, I do have a lazy streak in me.  I simply love to relax.  And the truth is also that I am not feeling my fullest, well, and energized self.  What's a person to do?  How do people who take medical leaves know that they should?  I mean, do I want to go to school tomorrow? No.  But, frankly, who does?  Yet do I know that I will be my most alive and happy self during the hours when I am in my classroom? No doubt.  For now, then, I'll have to take each moment as it comes, and let the question rest.