This is this, but something more.

Having cancer is a bit like being pregnant.  You go through your day pretty normally, but you have this awareness that is hovering around you - always.  When I was pregnant I would find myself in the middle of doing something and think, "This is this, but something more. Oh, right! I'm pregnant!" Now I'll be in the middle of doing something and I'll think, "Oh, right. Fuck."  So, yes, a bit like being pregnant, but with a twist.

Cancer does allow me to be utterly self-absorbed, and with no apologies.  It's a bit dangerous.  I don't know if I can lose a fight with my spouse anymore, for example.  Who would dare to win a fight with someone who has cancer?  My son definitely calls me more often than he used to.  People are nice to me.  I'm very visible.  All of which feeds my natural propensity towards being self-absorbed.

Then there's me as cancer patient.  I'm the kind of patient whom I would utterly despise if I were not myself.  I don't know if I would be jealous or just annoyed, but I would definitely hate me.  I'm friends with all of the nurses and administrators.  I stop by to have coffee with them, even when I have an appointment in another unit.  The women from African countries all call me "Auntie."  It's ridiculous, but I love it, and I love them, and when we laugh together there's no place I'd rather be, even though I'm at the fucking hospital.